Floque Bonker Madness

Good Morning, Malevolent Mainers. As we all know, the Holiday Season is upon us. In a normal year, you would have nothing to worry about other than making sure the milk and cookies are left out for the fat man. However, we regret to inform you that this Christmas is different. Last year, there were multiple reports of multiple Jack-In-The-Box like toys, dubbed "Floque Bonkers" as seen on their packaging, coming to life and causing pain and confusion to families across the state. Last year, there were six reported sightings in the state: three in Cumberland County, two in York County, and one in Knox County. While this might seem like a low number, we can't ignore the possibility of the "Floque Bonkers" arriving in larger numbers this Christmas morning. 

Here is a mock-up of a "Floque Bonker," drawn by Timmy DeSmith and given to the Portland Police Department on 12/25/20.

Though these "toys" might appear friendly at first glance, we can assure you that they are not. We are strongly encouraging all parents to wake up extra early this Christmas to double-check all of the presents underneath the tree before the kids start ripping and tearing into the gifts. Once opened, there is no stopping the chaos and violence that will ensue when the "Bonker" is released from its wrapping. Though these "springy slaughterers," as coined by Bill Haverford of Kennebunk, didn't result in any murders last Christmas, seven people had to be hospitalized due to the unwelcome guests under various trees across the state. Please reach out and report any sightings this year to us here at Malevolent Maine, and we hope the "Floque Bonkers" don't arrive in greater numbers than last year...though we certainly wouldn't bet on it...

No matter which one you open, you run the risk of having a Murdery Christmas. Stay safe out there, Maine!